Living a Christ-like Life: A Study on Ephesians 4: 17 - 6: 9, Part 2

Introduction

The first part of this study focussed mainly on what it means to be imitators of God, and how we, as followers of Jesus, are to live. While we know that our walk with God is best done in the community and context of the local church, these lessons were aimed more at the individual life.

In the next 3 sub-sections of the letter, taking us from Ephesians 5: 22 to Ephesians 6: 9, Paul looks specifically at three different relationships, all centred around household and family life. His aim, once again, is to challenge the patterns of the day and show how the followers of Jesus can and should live a different way.

Before we dive into the text we must pause and take time to understand the context in which Paul was writing; it was very different from the context in which we are reading. Gaining this extra understanding will help us follow Paul’s line of thought and help us to apply the key teaching today.

“Ancient Romans placed the father at the head of the family. One definition of the term familia translates to the “the group of people who descend from the same pater”, where pater means “father””

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_in_ancient_Rome)

Under this definition the oldest living male was the “pater familia” and he had near limitless power over his entire household – including his wife, children, grandchildren, servants and slaves. He truly was an emperor over his household.

This is, hopefully, very different to our modern concept of family, and we must be aware of this context as we study what Paul says about marriage, parenthood, and work.

Marriage

This first area of family, or household, life that Paul addresses is marriage. It is key to look at what Paul says about marriage as he builds upon it as he considers other aspects of household, or domestic life in the coming verses.

“... – to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.”

Ephesians 1: 10

Paul has already clearly explained that God’s purpose is to bring all things together. In studying these earlier chapters (Chapters 1 & 2, Chapters 3 & 4) we have seen the unity that Paul is calling the Church to. Here, as he focuses on marriage, Paul is saying that as followers of Christ marriage, and the wider family unit, is to reflect this unity, and demonstrate the love and sacrifice of Jesus.

Let’s dig into what Paul has to say. First he speaks to wives, and notice that he goes on to speak to husbands more – the call to husbands is much more challenging in the context of the 1st century.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Ephesians 5: 21

In all that follows this verse is key. Paul starts his instructions on marriage with a call to mutual submission. There are two words here that I believe are key to understanding what comes next; submit and reverence.

“The importance to Paul of the whole concept of submission is evident from the use of the word more than twenty times in his letters. He is to apply this in special instances in the next section, but we should note that he first gives it a completely general application. There must be willingness in the Christian fellowship to serve any, to learn from any, to be corrected by any, regardless of age, sex, class, or any other division.”

(Foulkes, F. Tyndale New Testament Commentaries Ephesians, 2008, p158)

We are empowered and inspired to live this way as we stand in awe of Christ. Christ, God with us, creator of all things, humbled himself to serve. He came to serve and not to be served. Paul has, as we saw in the first part of this study, called us to imitate God. Mutual submission to one another is following the example of service that Christ set for us. Our reverence, awe, respect, and worship of Christ motivates such submission. As we draw near to Christ in this way we find that submission to Him comes naturally.

With this submission in mind what does Paul have to say about marriage?

In the next twelve verses Paul speaks directly to wives (22-24, and 33b), and directly to husbands (25-32, and 33a) giving more instruction to husbands. What he says is challenging and the exact interpretation is somewhat debated, we shall look at that debate shortly.

First wives are to submit to their husbands. We cannot read this in isolation. Remember that first there is mutual submission. When we read the Greek there is no verb in verse 22. The verb, to submit or “upotassómenoi”, appears only in verse 21. Really it reads more like:

“Being submissive to one another in [the] fear of Christ, the wives to their own husbands as to the LORD”

(Ephesians 5: 21-22 The New Greek Interlinear New Testament Personal Size, 1993)

In this, and all that follows, Christ and the Church is the model for us to imitate. Also, as we read on, we see that husbands are to give themselves up for their wives. We must always read these instructions together – they are a complete set.

“The spirit of mutual subjection is cardinal to the whole Christian conception of social relations. It is the antithesis of the spirit of self-assertion, of jealous insistence on one’s rights, which generally characterizes the men of this world.”

(The Interpreter’s Bible, Volume 10 1978, p217-218)

In speaking of mutual submission in a world of clear hierarchy, and patriarchy, Paul is being very radical. The role model he uses, first for wives, and then for husbands is Jesus. For wives, says Paul, are to submit to their husbands as the Church submits to Christ. Then, as a natural progression of this, husbands must love their wives as Christ loves the Church; with sacrificial love, giving himself for his wife.

The debate over this passage, and its meaning centres around the idea of submission, but mainly on the word “head”, or “kephalē” in Greek.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.”

Ephesians 5: 21-23

On the one hand there are those that interpret this as meaning in-charge. As a boss in the head of a company, or as the head is in charge of the rest of the body, an analogy Paul is fond of. This understanding gives the husband prime importance and ultimate authority.

On the other hand there are those who read this as “source”, the husband is the source of the wife. An idea which calls back to the creation of Eve in Genesis chapter 2. In this creation account we get no sense of hierarchy, or of man being in charge. Rather we see perfect ease between Adam and Eve, they are equal and not the same. In the creation story we read of God taking from the side of Adam to make Eve. It is this that leads to the idea of “head” being read as “source”. If we read it this way we are reading that the husband is the source of the wife, as Christ is the source, or origin, of the church.

What makes this debate tricky is that Christ is both the head and the source of the church. So, for marriage, what does Paul mean when he talks of submission and headship?

Any answer to this question that I have read and pondered is influenced by the position the person already holds. Perhaps we should consider the kind of submission Paul may have had in mind.

“There’s compliant submission given by a subordinate to an authority, such as a citizen to their government. Then there is serving submission – as we have seen, this is what Paul means when he speaks of mutual submission.”

(Williams, T. How God Sees Women, 2022, p163)

A “serving submission”, so not a giving up of agency, not a bowing to every wish or whim of her husband. This idea of serving submission fits well with the image of the Church submitting to and serving Jesus. Yet it also fits within the cultural context in which Paul is teaching. As we saw earlier the prevailing norm was for a husband to be the emperor in his household, fully in charge, and with everyone drawing their instruction and protection from him. Paul, here in Ephesians 5, is calling for a radical change that will not overhaul or unduly disrupt the social order of the day, even without such disruption the change is radical.

In this way Paul is calling followers of Christ to be different, and yet remain appealing to those around them. To those outside the Church the key idea of submission and leadership is upheld, to those following Jesus it has been forever changed.

As we read what Paul says to husbands, and note he says more to them to than he does to wives, we see the real radical shift.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”

Ephesians 5: 25-27

This is where we see radical change brought to the cultural order of the day. Husbands are to love with service and sacrifice. Not just any sacrifice, but the self-giving sacrifice of Christ. It is vital that both sides of this equation are in place. That is what a Godly marriage looks like, a place of sacrificial love and mutual submission. When we see marriage in these terms the debate around “kephalē” becomes less important. To be the head is to lead with sacrificial love so that the rest of the body benefits. To be the source is to be the origin, and protector of life within the relationship. Bringing both together is where, I think, we get the fullest picture of Christ and the Church and, therefore, the clearest model of marriage.

Personal Question

• If you are married, ask God to help you be the best husband/wife you can be.

• Pray for other people's marriages, that God would protect them and encourage them.

Children and Parents

Paul now looks at another aspect of family, or household life – the relationship between children and parents. Before we look at this short section it is worth acknowledging that not everyone has a positive relationship with their parents. Paul does speak to fathers particularly in these four verses, aware that not all parents are good.

With an understanding that the parent - child relationship may be a difficult, or even painful one, let us look at what Paul says.

”Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” – which is the first commandment with a promise – “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.””

Ephesians 6: 1

Once again we must consider the ancient world in which this letter was written. When we read these verses in that context we see that Paul is once again being counter cultural. Typically, codes of behaviour would have given all the power and benefit to the parent – children obey your parents no matter what. Here we see that Paul is reminding and encouraging such obedience, and he also reminds children of the promise that accompanies the command. Jewish children would have been taught this as part of their lessons in the Torah.

“Honor your father and mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”

Deuteronomy 5: 16

This, according to Foulkes (Foulkes, F. Tyndale New Testament Commentaries Ephesians, 2008, p169), is a command of prior importance; likely urged on children as a priority for them.

What Paul says next is key, calling parents, especially fathers, to behave appropriately towards their children. (see Wright, T. Paul for Everyone The Prison Letter, 2002, p71)

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Ephesians 6: 4

This is the point where Paul teaches the Church to be different to the world around them. Here Paul places responsibility on the parents – do not exasperate your children, rather teach them the ways of God. He is calling fathers to this role, in wealthier households there may have been a teacher hired as a servant who gave such lessons. Paul is calling the fathers to be responsible for this and to be involved.

This is also a change in the one way relationship of the pater-familia where the father rules everything however he wants. Family life is to be a place of love and trust, this is what Paul is calling us to. He is calling us to this high standard, knowing it is the very best, aware that we need the restoration of Jesus to free us from the corruption of sin that can make family life the very worst.

Personal Question

• Pray for parents you know, physical and spiritual, that they would be full of grace and truth, loving the children in their care.

Employers and Employees

As we look now at the final verses of our passage we must once again remember that while we read this in the 21st century it was written in the 1st century.

As we have already looked at, a household in ancient Rome was led by the pater familia and would have included slaves. In 6: 5-9, Paul speaks to both slaves and masters, bringing instruction that speaks against the default behaviour of the day. Despite the language of slaves and master, language and behaviour now rightly seen as abhorrent, this passage can still speak to us today.

“But although the numerous slaves who had come into the Christian fold were in the apostles’ mind as he wrote these verses, the principles of the whole section apply to employees and employers in every age, whether in the home, in business, or in the state.”

(Foulkes, F. Tyndale New Testament Commentaries Ephesians, 2008, p171)

First he speaks to those working, calling them to work for and obey their boss as they would for Jesus.

“Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart.”

Ephesians 6: 5-6

In these two verses, and again in verse 7, Paul talks about the heart. In verse 5 we have the Greek word “kardia”, meaning heart as the seat of emotion. Then verse 6 uses the word “psuchē”, which means soul or life and speaks of the immaterial part of the inner person. Finally, in verse 7, the word “wholeheartedly”, sometimes translated as “good will” is “eunoia” in Greek, which means enthusiasm.

When we put all of this together we get a clear picture of the attitude Paul is calling us to in our work – an attitude of full engagement in our labours.

Depending on who we work for this can be hard. Not every earthly boss is good. I’ve had jobs that demanded more than was humanly possible, yet the boss did not inspire such efforts. In that situation remembering that, ultimately, I work for Christ kept me going, as did the promise Paul shares in verse 8.

“Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.”

Ephesians 6: 7-8

It is also in these verses that we see Paul speak of equality before God. He is acknowledging the inequality of society and speaking directly to it of equality before God. This is a point he picks up in other letters, such Galatians 3: 26-29, or the more fully worked out example of this in his letter to Philemon, or very briefly in Romans 2: 11 – “For God does not show favouritism.”

With this equality in mind Paul moves on to talk to the employers, to use the language of our modern application.

“And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favouritism with him.”

Ephesians 6: 9

The key point here is the reminder that there is a shared Master, Jesus, and to Him all are equal. Calling the pater-familia, the master of the household, to remember that they are not ultimately in charge, and that they themselves have a master speaks strongly to the way they are to lead and govern their household. Further, pointing out that all believers have the same Master, Jesus, speaks a sense of equality not considered before. Keller, in the notes section of his book Every Good Endeavour ( 2014, p281-282) says that this radical, Christian teaching is what laid the foundation for the abolition of slavery. A point echoed by Scrivener in The Air We Breathe (especially chapter 2 Equality, 2022).

How, then, should we apply this today? Remembering that you work for Jesus, that He gave it all for you in the ultimate act of service. Whether you are employer, employee, or some mixture of both you serve Jesus first, then you serve those you work with, whatever their earthly position in relation to yours.

Personal Question

• Pray for Godly men and women to lead across all industries.

• Pray for your own work situation, thanking God for it, or seeking Him for breakthrough in it.